I went to a consent workshop expecting to learn more about boundaries and to increase my confidence in remaining in my own center when I feel attraction. I learned about both, but not quite in the way I expected.
We practiced asking, saying yes, saying no, saying maybe. Somewhere in the middle of it, I realized something I had not articulated before: I am incredibly open, but I am cautious about touch. Those are not contradictions.
I can meet someone I have just met with my whole presence. I can look directly into their eyes, listen, become curious, and meet their energy with an open heart without knowing where the encounter is going. Touch is different. For me, touch is an energetic exchange. I do not particularly want it simply because it is available and everyone involved has consented.
Consent is not the same as desire
I can consent to something I do not particularly desire. “Would you like to hold hands?” Sure. I can try that. That is consent. But there is another question underneath it: Do I actually want to hold your hand?
I don’t only want the ability to say yes or no. I want to know my yes.
I want to be chosen. That is something I am willing to know about myself now. I want to choose and own the choosing too. I don’t think sovereignty requires me to pretend otherwise.
The opportunity is to experience that desire without making another person’s choice determine my value. I can know who I desire. I can allow that desire to be visible. I can move toward someone when I want to, while still leaving enough space for them to move toward me because they want to. And I can remain myself in the space between.
Touch, then, is not a substitute for connection. It becomes the expression of a connection that is already present.
Right Here came from this experience and became part of the practice itself—a way of continuing to embody what I am learning rather than simply understanding it.